Final Prayer

I started recollecting from back when I was a northern Baptist choir boy, when I actually did believe the God of the Bible. I used to pray to this God when I was in a bit of trouble whether it be an actual crisis or a crisis of faith, I remembered how important these prayers where to me how they brought me comfort. I used to lead my congregation in prayer for every Wednesday night service. But then one day I noticed that very few of my prayer were met I didn't get these signals I asked for when my faith was weak. I prayed for the health of my loved ones but I still was forced to watch them die and wither away.

The prayers that were once so significant to me now have stopped.. I do not remember the last prayer I had done, it was probably something with little thought like a meal time prayer. I refuse to let something that was once so significant to me go out in such an inane way so I decided to write one last prayer.

Dear God,

I know you must be busy feeding your preachers with sermons and apologetics so I decided to write it down so that you might read it later. Why did you ignore my prayers? I spoke to you multiple times everyday but you never answered back not once? Am I not important enough to answer? I was told you loved me but you seemed to have ignored me. Certainly you would have known how bitter this would have made me and how it would have turned me away from you, you are omniscient. Is not not then your fault that I walked away? Surely I cannot be blamed for this apostascy as it was you who neglected me. However your guilt goes much deeper than simple neglect my father, every night you would get drunk on rage and slap humanity around. Why bother?

Why were you so angry with us? Sure we did break some rule and made mistakes, but even gods have fell. But you condemn us still? Why my father did you not try to talk to us? We could have been buds but instead you decide to break out the pestilence and floods. You are an angry god guilty of sin and murder. Do I need to take it any further? You were angry and jealous as my began to wander. But is that such a crime just to sit  and ponder?

I am leaving you now for I given you all the time I can allow. Just remember that it was not me and its you; the neglect and anger is why we through.  My dear lord I know I have asked many questions for you to answer, but don't worry about it  I never expected anything that is for damn sure. So it is time for me to run, and don't worry next time Ill pray to the sun.

For the last time in your empty vain name, amen.